Okay, I might as well 'fess up as to why I haven't yet seen the Master's grand finale to his Dead tetralogy (that's right, I said tetralogy). It's not like you haven't read about it in the gossip sheets already.
So, here it is: I lied about going on vacation last week. The truth is, I was in court-ordered rehab for brain addiction at Betty Ford. And while I was there -- hoo, this is tough! -- while I was there, I... I ate Christian Slater's brains.
And Anne Heche's.
And Whitney Houston's.
And I'm very very sorry. I --
Oh, and one of the Olsen twins. I forget which one. But she was only there for "exhaustion" (wink, wink).
I know this was detrimental to my recovery process, and --
Oh, yeah, Robert Downey, Jr. was there, too. But he was also in for brain-eating. And I don't even think he's a zombie! Last I saw him, I think he was chasing Lindsay Lohan ("stress" -- wink!).
And I promise I won't do it again. I realize now I need to take my life one brain at a time.
Day! One day at a time.
Ah, the hell with it. Where's Ben Affleck?? I don't care if he's on his honeymoon! BRING ME THE AFFLECK!!